one two three fourrrrnication!
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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