The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
