Sacagawea was the original milf.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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