i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
