i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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