They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
