I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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