textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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