dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
