Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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