I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
