I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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