If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
