i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
