why didn't you poke me back
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
