I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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