When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Randomize
