So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
