all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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