Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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