I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
