Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
