5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
