covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
