I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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