he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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