Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
