as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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