I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
