this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
