he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
