Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
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Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
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In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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