HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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