So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
