Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
