Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
