she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
