It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
