I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
