Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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