was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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