dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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