I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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