I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
