We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
where am i from again
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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