I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
