do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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