I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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