I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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