My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
