I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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