I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize