Yo dont text me then not text me
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
