meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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