And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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