After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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