I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
